Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize