my phone needs a breathalizer
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
