just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
