Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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