yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
