the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
