We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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