I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
