I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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