my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
