A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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