dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
two words: eviction party
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
