The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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