i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
