i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
