How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
