you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
