I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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