every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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