girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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