Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
