At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
