Im at strip club and am horny
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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