Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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