U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
