after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
