My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
