You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
