I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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