it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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