He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
