I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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