he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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