Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My vagina just clenched in fear
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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