Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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