I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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