I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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