the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
