just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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