dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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