Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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