He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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