It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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