i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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