I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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