I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
