Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
