He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
