i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm passing your future prison.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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