omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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