I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
