eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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