Sponge bath it is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
