I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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