there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
