Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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