i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
